I can’t say I am a huge Halloween person. Not in the way some people are, where they deck themselves out in epic makeup or handmade costumes. But I do enjoy embracing my inner child this time of year, and usually end up with a cute costume I pieced together from random stuff around the house.
Some past piecemeal costumes include:
– Mad Scientist (when I worked as a photo lab technician in my university days, and had the lab coat lying around)
– Scarecrow (orange plaid came in handy)
– Sally from the Nightmare Before Christmas, because it was the last costume available on Halloween at Spirit
– A tiger, 2 years running – it’s a onesie with a face and tail
My costumes are perfect for handing out candy to kids. My decorations are equally lacklustre, but it works. We don’t get many kids as we live on a busy road with no sidewalk on our side of the road, but the kids we do get are welcome and greeted by one of the above characters with a generous handful of candy.
This year I have been a bit bitter, and I decided not to do it. Any of it.
It’s times of year like this that really get me in the feels. The times when people get together with their families and friends and have fun together. When you’re going through IVF and your news becomes bad every time someone asks, you stop getting invited to events. You stop getting texts and check-ins. People start avoiding you. Your friends with kids take a step back so they don’t trigger you, and your friends without kids frankly don’t want to hear about your struggles to have them. Everyone moves in a direction that is away from where you’re planted, stuck. This year has been hard.
So I decided not to do it. Until 3pm on Oct 31. I decided then, that I had to do it.
On went the tiger costume. I put a lion’s mane on my dog and we got to decorating.
We got two kids (our twin neighbours). TWO kids. I haven’t decided if the universe has given me the finger, or if it’s a blessing in disguise. I am also off sugar for my upcoming retrieval, so I can’t even eat all the candy. FML.
Holidays and celebrations are hard when you’re living in limbo. There’s no other way to put it. It’s isolating AF. I know I am not the only one experiencing this, so I write this to let you know you aren’t alone. I am sure I am not the only sad IVF casualty sitting in their dark living room in a tiger costume… or am I?!
Happy Halloween friends.